5 Ways to Befriend Our Bodies + share self- acceptance with students- 5 min. read
Jul 17, 2024We are surrounded by images of how our bodies should be, images that are deliberately designed to evoke a strong emotional response, of longing to be different to be “better”. More desirable, more powerful. But that in this very process might strip us of our personal power- unless we shield our minds. These images convey a very specific type of physique, an extreme that is not how most of us will ever be. Represented as if they are THE healthy way to be. Actually there is so much research that shows that health can and does exist at every size- the global movement by the same name offers fantastic resources for anyone wanting to embrace themselves in the body they have right now- just as they are! Fat is just fat- it’s just a body tissue, it can’t also be a moral failing or something repellant.
Let’s rescue yoga from gym culture & capitalism and find ways to interpret the teachings of yoga into phrases and practices we can offer ourselves and our students.
The more yoga is perceived as exercise- asana, the more it gets swept along with the whole gym culture. It may even be co-opted into yoga for "weight loss" which is so counter to the deep and radical acceptance that yoga potentially conveys. We do not need asana to be another form of exercise. There are enough exercise modalities for now! We need asana to be the embodiment of yoga philosophy. A way to move with self- love, for pleasure; to breathe with a sense of togetherness; to calm the minds with intention and clarity. This is what makes yoga such an incredible practice for self-healing, healing from trauma or habitual stress and learning to live with ourselves with more kindness.
We can use our conscious minds to interfere with habitual thought patterns. This is a fundamental yogic wisdom, the yogis understood psychology and neurology from looking inwardly at how the mind words.
Nowadays we understand this as neuroplasticity. The brain is adaptable, neural pathways are adaptable- literally the physical structure of neurons changes as we think new thoughts and interrupt old thought patterns. I did a deep dive into this for the breath & bandhas module in the 300hr course recently and there are many different ways in which the brain reshapes itself.
Here I share some ideas of how we can invite more kindness to our bodies. These are tried and tested approaches that I developed in my 20’s after realising if I did not train my mind I was always going to expend so much energy and time being unkind to myself and not enjoying life.
1️⃣ Turn the focus inside- the inner architecture of the body is incredible. Learn more about the heart with its 4 chambers, or the lungs with their vaulted grooves. Get familiar with the skeleton, with your feet and their 23 bones! Or the incredible connective tissue fascia which also acts as a communication system. It’s all amazing it all deserves your deepest admiration.
2️⃣ Forgive- whatever your body has experienced was not your fault. Remind yourself of this often. It feels sad so grieve what you have lost through believing it was your fault. But let yourself know it was not your fault.
3️⃣ Whatever you have put her through- she has survived. Befriend her. Self touch, a self hug before bed, anything to show you care. Forgive yourself for the strategies you have used in the past & probably will again. They are the best you knew.
4️⃣ Look with kindness. This is one I developed for myself in my 20’s I had super low self- esteem and would only ever think critically of how I looked. Once I realise how shit this made me feel I planned to only look in a mirror IF I could say something nice to myself. This takes pre-planning. DO NOT LOOK until you are ready! Before looking in a mirror pre-prepare something kind to say. Shift the focus to the one thing you can manage to not criticise- your eyes or whatever it is, say something kind immediately.
Option 1. Imagine looking through a friend’s eyes.
Option 2. Imagine looking more neutrally at the body as if it is not yours. Either way it will establish new thought patterns that will serve you well.
5️⃣ Be analytical. Critique the culture that puts so much emphasis on physical appearance & pressure to look a certain way. Identify what you believe and why and let this guide you away from the insidious idea that there is a right way to look. Anxiety inhabits an areas of the brain that is challenged by the Neo-cortex so engaging the rational mind can make it harder for fears & anxieties to take a hold. Offer yourself a choice- would I like to believe a. that makes me feel worthless. Or b. they means I get to validate myself.
One question I found really helpful was to consider- would I be my friend, speaking to myself as I did? In a word the answer was- no! So if we simply try to speak to ourselves with politeness it’s a great start. If we consider how would we treat our body it generates many avenues to explore.
Practice talking to your body as a friend
A friend you do not expect to always look & act the same.
A friend you appreciate for what she can do.
A friend who always there for you.
A friend you accept as she is.
A friend with real needs & desires.
A friend you do not expect to be perfect.
A friend who is miraculous in so many ways
When we just shift the focus.
Whatever she looks like.
Whatever pain she is in.
Whatever illness.
Whatever she has seen & suffered.
It was not her fault.
Can we befriend her?
These bodies go through a LOT. We expect a lot. I see so many suffering the sense they should be or look differently. But we can choose to practice thinking a different way. One kind word or thought at a time is one less critical one. It’s a practice & practice is everything! There is no such thing as perfect.
Feeling Authentic in Our Teaching
It can take a while to become confident to talk through poses and integrate the further teachings. The starting point is to START to practice for yourself the kindness and self-acceptance you hope to share with students. This means we can share something we have experience of. We can feel genuine in that we are also working with this. You do not need to suddenly shift from a place of difficulty to a place of deep self love to share this. But just to PRACTICE. Let’s let go of the need to be masters of it all. If you are muddling along trying. That is enough! Our students are looking for someone real. Not someone perfect.
There is a big gap between self acceptance and self love. One thought at a time bridges this gap.
Within a yoga class
To give ourselves space to share themes in class, I suggest the following structure:
- Get folks settled at the beginning of a class & introduce a theme
- Introduce a few moments of breath awareness I stillness or movement
- Illustrate the theme with some cues, e.g. “softening your face here” could represent some self- kindness
- Move as dynamically as you and your student like but give times to pause and let the heart rate settle and in these moments bring deeper awareness of the WHY we are doing the poses. This both help create an adaptable nervous system and also gives you time to share the philosophy.
- Leave some time for any of: a minute meditation (2+ minutes) a breath practice, a 10+ minute shavasana with quiet time in it, a 10+ Yoga Nidra with some quiet time. For a more trauma aware approach always offer that eyes could be open gentle rocking movement e.g. supine hug in knees if stillness is too hard.
We do not need to change our bodies to accept them. We do not need to love our bodies to shift away from negative self talk. There is a BIG gap between loathing and self-love and a much smaller gap between not liking and acceptance. ALL of it counts. Every thought that is not a negative thought is a pathway to more kind thoughts. Not metaphorically- literally in your neurology in your brain. We so often hear that trauma reshapes the brain. But so does healing. So does healing.
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